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A Sister’s Perspective

“I hope that Tim’s death – and his life – will help us remember that we all fall down sometimes,” writes Alyssa Schmidt, the sister of a Hopkins man who died in a heroin overdose that resulted in a murder charge.

 

Editor’s Note: The following guest column comes from Alyssa Schmidt. Schmidt is the sister of Timothy C. St. John, who died Feb. 20, 2012, from a heroin overdose. Last week, prosecutors issued a warrant for the arrest of Devon McFerrin on a charge of third-degree murder stemming from allegations that McFerrin sold St. John the heroin that killed him.

 

Recently there has been a handful of news articles published about my brother’s death. Prosecutors recently charged a Minneapolis man with murder for selling my brother, Tim, the heroin that killed him.

First I’d like to make it clear that my family has nothing to do with this investigation or the charges being brought against this man. Some people think the charge of murder is ridiculous because my brother bought & used heroin. What some people don’t understand are the varying degrees of murder charges. According to the Office of the Advisor of Statues, Minnesota State Statue 609.195 Murder in the Third Degree states:

(b) Whoever, without intent to cause death, proximately causes the death of a human being by, directly or indirectly, unlawfully selling, giving away, bartering, delivering, exchanging, distributing, or administering a controlled substance classified in Schedule I or II, is guilty of murder in the third degree and may be sentenced to imprisonment for not more than 25 years or to payment of a fine of not more than $40,000, or both.

I guess what I’m hoping to point out is these charges weren’t filed because of someone’s feelings or opinion about Tim’s death. It isn’t a matter of feeling or opinion. It’s simply the law.

A far more important topic I’d like to address is what it’s like to have a family member who uses drugs. On a recent article published on the Hopkins Patch someone commented, “The victim was an addict and waste of oxygen.” Those are serious words and I believe they deserve a serious response.

It’s true; my brother had a serious drug problem. I think that’s evident by the fact that he died from using heroin. Although before slinging around insults like calling someone a “waste of oxygen”, perhaps it would be a good idea for all of us to walk a mile in someone else’s shoes.

When we were growing up, my brother and I were best friends. He was only 16 months older than I was and one grade ahead of me in school. Tim was the middle child, I am the baby of the family, and our sister is the eldest. We grew up in a good home with parents who loved us. We grew up in a small community and our aunts, uncles, and cousins lived in the same city as us. We enjoyed things like back yard baseball and volleyball games with family and spending the night at our cousins’ homes. Tim and I always enjoyed spending the night with some of our cousins who were the same age as he and I. When we stayed the night at their home, our aunt would make the four of us breakfast on Saturday morning and we’d watch the cartoon Garfield and Friends. Tim was a regular kid who loved cartoons, riding his bike, and shooting hoops in the driveway.

Tim was funny too. He was always making people laugh by making silly faces or voices and cracking jokes. I’d define his sense of humor as goofy with a twinge of sarcasm. Tim wasn’t afraid to look goofy in public just to get a laugh. He played pranks on people and people played pranks on him too. Once when we were kids, my sister and I pulled a classic prank on Tim while he was sleeping. We filled his hand with shaving cream and tickled his nose with a feather. Sure enough! He smeared the shaving cream all over his face and never woke up! My sister and I giggled hysterically down the hall back to our bedroom. It was possibly the best prank we ever pulled!

My purpose in sharing these personal stories about Tim is so others may begin to understand that addicts aren’t a mutant population. They are regular people who have serious struggles. Tim used drugs for many years before he died. The truth is I have no idea why my brother ever started using. He didn’t start off using heroin. It’s my understanding that he started with “gateway drugs” like marijuana. Maybe he started using because he was curious. Maybe he started using because of peer pressure. I don’t know and honestly it doesn’t even matter anymore.

Tim made some poor choices many years ago when he decided to experiment with drugs. Those poor choices led to other poor choices, and eventually they led to his death. But his life wasn’t only filled with poor choices. Tim fought his addiction and sought treatment at Minnesota Adult & Teen Challenge. Seeking treatment was one of the best choices he ever made.

Another of Tim’s best decisions was his decision to have faith in Jesus Christ and to pass on that faith to his four children. Tim believed that God offers us love and grace, even when we screw up. At his funeral, a family friend shared these words, “What I learned from Tim was about getting back up when you fall. We all mess up. We all make mistakes. And in the light of God’s perfection, my mistakes aren’t any less destructive and than anyone else’s mistakes. Tim’s faith in a loving and forgiving God inspired him to seek forgiveness and strength over and over. From him, I learned not to doubt that there is forgiveness at God’s throne of grace....every time you approach it! There doesn’t come a day when God says, ‘No. No more! You have asked once too often!' Tim showed me that a heart humbled before God in true sorrow for our actions is always welcome.”

I’m not saying that you need to believe what Tim believed or what I believe. I’m sharing these things to show that even though my brother struggled with addiction, he left a legacy that was so much more than his struggle. The legacy he leaves behind is this: Life is hard sometimes and we all screw up in different ways. Some ways seem worse than others, but all mistakes—all choices have consequences. The wonderful thing about making mistakes and falling down is they give us an opportunity to get back up and do better.

Tim “fell” often but he kept getting back up. He fought to his addiction. He desired to be a better man & a better father. Unfortunately, he lost his fight. His death has left a gaping hole in the hearts of those who love him, but even in death we can find hope because we are confident that grace is extended to each of us.

I hope that Tim’s death—and his life—will help us remember that we all fall down sometimes. When someone we love falls down, we have the choice to help them back up or kick them while they’re down. I hope after reading this you’ll be inspired to show a little bit of grace and mercy to people who are struggling. Whether it’s a drug addiction or alcoholism or some other struggle that life brings, may we all learn to reach down and lift those people up. Because they are people—with real families. They live real lives and have hopes & dreams and struggles—they aren’t a waste of oxygen.

Eileen Fullenwider February 20, 2013 at 07:34 PM
thax for reminding us that we are all volnerable and that we are all children of God.
D Trist February 20, 2013 at 07:55 PM
Maybe he should have tried a real treatment center and not a place that teaches you are cured of addiction by repenting.
James Warden (Editor) February 20, 2013 at 08:17 PM
Two things: 1) These are real people dealing with real heartaches. Let's be compassionate. 2) Any treatment is an uphill battle. This is from a Wired article: "Considering the ordeal, it's not surprising that quitting cold turkey works only about 5 percent of the time. To improve on that success rate, drug treatment experts have traditionally relied on three approaches: methadone, symptomatic treatment, and Narcotics Anonymous. ... These methods have a success rate of 30 percent to 40 percent after a year." (http://www.wired.com/wired/archive/13.01/detox.html) In fact, success rates are all over the map and not monitored very closely for accuracy. (http://www.nytimes.com/2008/12/23/health/23reha.html?pagewanted=all)
Carol Bungert February 21, 2013 at 02:53 AM
A beautiful tribute to your brother, Alyssa, and a reminder that none of us should be defined by our flaws alone. We're human and fallible and we all fall down in many ways. The luckiest of us have people like you in our lives who see and know who we really are, and don't reject us for what we're not.
Victoria February 21, 2013 at 05:44 AM
Anonymous... Addiction is a disease. Selling drugs is a crime. The Star Tribune said that he is being charged with "supplying a deadly dose of heroin". So the comment that it is ridiculous to charge someone with murder is simply someone that is ignorant in all aspects of this subject. Comments like saying another human being is any waste at all is one those comments that should just be taken off the thread. We can copy the wording of a statute while previously saying our family has nothing to do with true justice. The sister wrote a wordy sentiment while repeating we all fall down. Whenever someone seeks treatment let's remember or let's educate that millions of people stay sober and clean by a simple spiritual path... its called the 12 steps.
Tom Obinger February 21, 2013 at 03:03 PM
I was moved by your tribute to your brother. I also lost a family member around the holidays that struggled with addiction. I too read jarring and hurtful comments about our loving family member. It hurts. It's so easy to judge. Life is a journey, and there are times when we ALL fall down. What's important and meaningful is that we help pick-up that individual, offer support to them, and love them, no matter how many times they fall.
Vicki Austad February 22, 2013 at 01:58 AM
Alyssa~ Thank you for taking the time to write about your brother Tim. You've enlightened many people about the life of an addict, and stressed the human side with countless falls and attempts to break free of the deadly grip drugs have on their life. I've lost 3 siblings in the past six years so I know first-hand the pain and loss you've felt. You've done Tim a wonderful service by writing about his struggles as well as his successes, and did a great job of defending and explaining his wonderful qualities. I never had the pleasure of meeting him, but I'm sure he loved you very much and was always grateful knowing you always saw the best in him and loved him no matter what.
Evelyn Janice Jakubec February 22, 2013 at 04:43 AM
Maybe you will have a conflct in your life someday that you won't be able to handle and not even a treatment center will be able to help you, because here's a wake up call for you, treatment centers aren't a magical fix and they are not a guarantee your life will be wonderful again after a person has completed one!
lola February 23, 2013 at 05:30 AM
Tim taught my nephew how to swim. He threw the football once for all the kids including 2 of his boys. He told my nephew "you will always remember me for teaching you how to swim" he and his girlfriend were always smiling and always holding hands. He was a very beautiful person. Inside and out.

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